


Toaster fires, pancake abs and protective older brothers

by Redstoner



Series: Chatrooms [2]
Category: Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Genre: M/M, Texting, chat fic, chatroom, gayyyy, group chat au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22974661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redstoner/pseuds/Redstoner
Summary: Alternatively titled 'Another Chat Fic I Will Never Get Around To Finishing'
Relationships: Bowser Koopa/Luigi (Nintendo)
Series: Chatrooms [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1653412
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

_Luigi has created a chatroom_

_Luigi has added Peach, Daisy, Mario, Bowser, Yoshi, Nabbit_

**Peach** : Luigi

 **Peach** : Its 2 am

 **Luigi** : Not where I am. 

**Mario** : and where are you?

 **Luigi** : With friends. 

**Wario** : you have friends?

 **Daisy** : im gonna fight you

 **Wario** : do it coward

 **Luigi** : If it's 2AM then why are you guys up?

 **Daisy** : Bold Of You To Assume We Can Sleep

 _Luigi has added Lonk, Zeldee_

**Mario** : who are they?

 **Peach** : Zelda?

 **Zeldee** : Peach!

 **Zeldee** : its been too long

 **Daisy** : true

 **Lonk** : if you think about it

 **Zeldee** : oh god

 **Lonk** : luigi's nickname

 **Lonk** : should b spelt uigi

 **Lonk** : bc its his name wout the l

 **Luigi** : Christ, why?

 **Daisy** : wack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh... please review?


	2. Natural Causes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Nabbit** : Hypothetically 
> 
> **Luigi** : Oh god.
> 
>  **Nabbit** : If I push someone off a cliff
> 
>  **Nabbit** : and they die
> 
>  **Nabbit** : then they died of natural causes
> 
>  **Nabbit** : right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh... more shit content because I'm bored lol

**Nabbit** : Hypothetically 

**Luigi** : Oh god.

 **Nabbit** : If I push someone off a cliff

 **Nabbit** : and they die

 **Nabbit** : then they died of natural causes

 **Nabbit** : right?

 **Zeldee** : no???

 **Zeldee** : you murdered them?

 **Waluigi** : yes

 **Luigi** : If there's no underlying condition it isn't natural. If it is an outside force you didn't die of natural causes.

 **Lonk** : huh

 **Peach** : Why do you know that?

 **Luigi** : I get bored.

 **Lonk** : So run around for a bit

 **Lonk** : thats what i do

 **Zeldee** : that explains so much

 **Lonk** : yknow what-

 **Bowser** : Why would you even be asking that? Aren't you guys against crimes and stuff

 **Nabbit** : crimes are fun

 **Luigi** : Crimes without good reason are wrong

 **Zeldee** : crimes are wrong

 **Waluigi** : Crimes are cool

 **Peach** : Crimes are bad!!

 **Daisy** : depends on the crime

 **Mario** : no one should commit crimes

 **Lonk** : Tag yourself, moral edition

 **Zeldee** : I take it back

 **Lonk** : :0

 **Lonk** : zElDa nO iM sORrY

 **Zeldee** : i wont hesitate bitch

 **Nabbit** : a being of culture i see 

**Toadette** : Honestly what the fuck is happening anymore

 **Luigi** : Who knows.

~~~

_Lonk has changed Luigi's name to luiGAY_

**luiGAY** : Link I trusted you

 **Lonk** : to not say why

 **Lonk** : and i didnt

 **Zeldee** : 

**Zeldee** : he has a point yknow

_luiGAY has changed luiGAY's name to Luigi_

**Lonk** : but thats boring :(((

 **Luigi** : Good, 

**Luigi** : it fits.

 **Peach** : you arent boring!!

 **Daisy** : yeah you're pretty cool

 **Luigi** : Thanks

~~~

 **Lonk** : If you think about it

 **Lonk** : waffles are just pancakes with abs

 **Luigi** : And may I ask why you're thinking about this at...

 **Luigi** : 2 in the morning?

 **Lonk** : bc

 **Lonk** : why are you awake

 **Luigi** : It's 9 here.

 **Lonk** : dope

 **Nabbit** : holy shit

 **Nabbit** : hes right

 **Luigi** : If you set the toaster on fire again I'm not taking the blame.

 **Luigi** : I'll laugh

 **Waluigi** : you're too much of a wuss to laugh

 **Nabbit** : so uh

 **Nabbit** : i cant believe ur actually laughing at me

 **Nabbit** : uigi

 **Nabbit** : :(((

 **Luigi** : :)

~~~

 **Bowser** : listen i know we're enemies and all but i genuinely need help

 **Luigi** : With?

 **Bowser** : could you explain memes to me

 **Bowser** : im having some issues

 **Bowser** : i dont get what they mean 

**Luigi** : any meme specifically?

 **Bowser** : i said no to junior

 **Bowser** : and he replied with

 **Luigi** : Guess I'll die then? 

**Bowser** : Yeah 

**Luigi** : Alright well then unless he seems genuinely depressed or something is off with him then it is just a joke.

 **Luigi** : I'd be careful with that though, it can lead to a bad or worse state of mental well being. 

**Luigi** : My point is, just check in on him and if he really is fine ask if he can substitute that joke with something else

 **Luigi** : And if he isn't fine get him whatever help he needs

 **Bowser** : alright

 **Bowser** : uh thanks for that 

**Bowser** : really, it helped a lot

 **Luigi** : It would terrify me if my kid said that, but i am glad I could help

~~~

 **Lonk** : taht was such a deep convo

 **Zeldee** : quick someone tell a joke

 **Daisy** : The balance must be restored

 **Luigi** : What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

 **Mario** : Oh god

 **Luigi** : Virgin Mobile 

**Zeldee** : Link did you just fall off a fuckin building 

**Zeldee** : laughing at that shitty joke

 **Lonk** : i just imagined uigi in that 'i used to smoke crack' mulaney voice 

**Lonk** : going up to a nun saying that and taking a swig of vodka

 **Waluigi** : hes too much of a wuss

 **Wario** : he doesnt know how to be mean 

**Luigi** : One time, there was someone who I didn't really like and I was sitting next to one of my pals that knows italian so I started a regular conversation with them

 **Luigi** : but I was glaring at the person and they got really uncomfortable and asked if I was talking about them and my friend said no

 **Nabbit** : i can hear you laughing 

**Luigi** : without thinking i said 'you don't have to spare their feelings like that' and my friend sighed and face palmed and the person was kind of upset

 **Luigi** : I'm feeling kind of bad looking back

 **Luigi** : but at the same time

 **Luigi** : lmao

 **Bowser** : ... 

**Zeldee** : Wack

 **Lonk** : lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The guess I'll die then thing is from a comic by _Kairy_doodles_ on instagram.
> 
> Also thank you for the positive reviews!! It means more than I think you guys realize :)


	3. Revenge

**Lonk** : quick whats the best way to get revenge

 **Peach** : Letting go and living well 

**Lonk** : Anyone else?

 **Nabbit** : Robbery

 **Bowser** : Arson

 **Luigi** : Murder

 **Zeldee** : Jesus

 **Nabbit** : Hardcore bro

~~~

 **Mario** : How do you block people in real life?

 **Luigi** : Restraining order

 **Lonk** : Murder

 **Nabbit** : Murder

 **Luigi** : That works too

 **Daisy** : What the fuck is happening anymore

 **Luigi** : When I find out, you'll be the first to know.

 **Lonk** : bAbe-

 **Lonk** : bEtrAyaL

 **Luigi** : oops ;)

 **Nabbit** : So some questions

 **Nabbit** : What The Fuck™


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who isn't dead

**Luigi** : I'm starting to regret showing Link how to use a blender.

 **Lonk** : Why?

 **Luigi** : You're drinking toast.

 **Lonk** : so?

 **Bowser** : Is this what you all do in your spare time? 

**Mario** : Not usually

 **Zeldee** : is he okay?

 **Luigi** : I just saw him throw a keese eyeball and curry in the blender, he is not okay. 

**Zeldee** : Should I go over?

 **Luigi** : Please.

 **Bowser** : I lose to people who drink toast.

 **Luigi** : Seems like it, yeah.

 **Wario** : imagine being that shit at being a villain

 **Mario** : you have no room to talk

 **Wario** : shut up

\--

 **Lonk** : https://64.media.tumblr.com/0521e92ce7ac23f20c7af67e5bf22eb9/5882bf9cc2fc30a8-a9/s250x400/985e8fb5c40280a3c3163f769db77d7ec8c2d2e9.jpg

 **Wario** : If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

 **Lonk** : If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

 **Waluigi** : Actually I did the math, Wario would have $225, not $0.15.

 **Wario** : Fam I’m right here....

 **Peach** : If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

 **Daisy** : while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

 **Peach** : Sorry I only have a dollar

 **Daisy** : :(

 **Luigi** : Hey I just realized Waluigi is right, Wario would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

 **Daisy** : If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

 **Luigi** : You can buy anything you want with $22,500

 **Wario** : Yeah and she wants soda and apply juice

 **Waluigi** : Apply juice to what

 **Lonk** : Directly to the forehead

 **Luigi** : Great chat everyone


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID I FORGET ABOUT NABBIT WAIT-

**Lonk** : Croissants: dropped

 **Zeldee** : Road: works ahead

 **Waluigi** : BBQ sauce: on my titties

 **Wario** : Shavacado: fre

 **Daisy** : Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

 **Bowser** : I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

 **Luigi** : I understood every single word of that and I hate every single one of them too.

\--

[Untitled group, members: Luigi, King Boo]

 **Luigi** : God, give me patience.

 **King Boo** : I think you mean 'give me strength'.

 **Luigi** : If god gave me strength you'd be dead

 **King Boo** : I'm a ghost, you can't kill me.

 **Luigi** : Says who?

 **Luigi** : Can I have my brother back

\--

 **Zeldee** : So what're you guys having for lunch?

 **Luigi** : Regret. 

**Zeldee** : what happened

 **Lonk** : i didn't mean to set it on fire I swear

 **Mario** : do you guys need help

 **Luigi** : We put it out.

 **Lonk** : so...

 **Luigi** : Yes, I will make something for us to eat. 

**Lonk** : thank you

 **Luigi** : Are you okay with having leftovers? 

**Lonk** : whats that

 **Zeldee** : youve never had leftovers?

 **Lonk** : no, because im not a quitter

 **Luigi** : I saw you fail at putting arrows in your pocket for 20 minutes until you gave up, threw them and cried. 

**Lonk** : So, leftovers

 **Luigi** : Yeah

\--

 **Luigi** : If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

 **Lonk** : What if it bites me and it dies!?

 **Luigi** : Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Link, learn to read.

 **Zeldee** : What if it bites itself and I die?

 **Wario** : That’s voodoo.

 **Nabbit** : What if it bites me and someone else dies?

 **Luigi** : That’s correlation, not causation.

 **Waluigi** : What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

 **Nabbit** : That’s kinky.

 **Mario** : Oh my God.

 **Bowser** : Why am I in this chat

\--

 **Lonk** : Rules are made to be broken.

 **Luigi** : They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

 **Daisy** : Uh, piñatas.

 **Peach** : Glow sticks.

 **Nabbit** : Karate boards.

 **Mario** : Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

 **Bowser** : Rules.

\--

 **Luigi** : You guys don't live here

 **Lonk** : ok and?

 **Mario** : We gave you guys that key for emergencies 

**Zeldee** : it was

 **Bowser** : What happened?

 **Luigi** : They were out of Doritos. 

\--

 **Zeldee** : If you had to choose between Link and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose

 **Luigi** : How much money do you have?

 **Lonk** : YOURE SUPPOSED TO PICK ME

 **Zeldee** : 63 cents

 **Luigi** : I'll take the money

 **Lonk** : LUIGI

 **Wario** : brutal

 **Bowser** : Didn't think you had it in you

 **Lonk** : uigi why

 **Luigi** : Blocked.

 **Lonk** : :(

 **Zeldee** : you would take 63 cents over Link?

 **Daisy** : you know what that means

 **Lonk** : you don't have enough money for chicken nuggets


	6. Chapter 6

**Luigi** : Nothing in life is free.

 **Peach** : Love is free!

 **Mario** : Adventure is free.

 **Toadette** : Knowledge is free.

 **Nabbit** : Everything is free if you take it without paying.

 **Bowser** : I thought you were on their side?

 **Luigi** : It's honestly a flip of a coin with him. 

\--

 **Luigi** : Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

 **Bowser** : Okay, but what is updog?

 **Nabbit** : Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

 **Lonk** : No, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

 **Zeldee** : No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

 **Mario** : that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

 **Peach** : That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

 **Daisy** : You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

 **Luigi** : No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

 **Lonk** : What’s a henway??

 **Luigi** : About five pounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm,,,,trying


	7. Chapter 7

**Daisy** : On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

 **Zeldee** : In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Link?

 **Lonk** : Probably “road work ahead”.

 **Bowser** : I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

 **Luigi** : Why are you guys like this?

 **Lonk** : Oh good

 **Lonk** : youre here

 **Luigi** : What did you break?

 **Nabbit** : nothing

 **Nabbit** : we have a question

 **Lonk** : What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

 **Zeldee** : The car takes a screenshot.

 **Luigi** : Why are you two like this? 

**Bowser** : I lose to you guys???

 **Wario** : Pathetic


End file.
